The Final Inspection

The Soldier stood and faced God,

Which must always come to pass.

He hoped his shoes were shining,

Just as brightly as his brass.

"Step forward now, Soldier,
How shall I deal with you?

Have you always turned the other cheek?

To My Church have you been true?"

The soldier squared his shoulders and said,
"No, Lord, I guess I ain't.

Because those of us who carry guns,

Can't always be a saint.
I've had to work most Sundays,
And at times my talk was tough.

And sometimes I've been violent,

Because the world is awfully rough.

But, I never took a penny,
That wasn't mine to keep...

Though I worked a lot of overtime,

When the bills got just too steep.

And I never passed a cry for help,
Though at times I shook with fear.

And sometimes, God, forgive me,

I've wept unmanly tears.

I know I don't deserve a place,
Among the people here.

They never wanted me around,

Except to calm their fears.

If you've a place for me here, Lord,
It needn't be so grand.

I never expected or had too much,

But if you don't, I'll understand.
There was a silence all around the throne,
Where the saints had often trod.

As the Soldier waited quietly,

For the judgement of his God.
"Step forward now, you soldier,

You've borne your burdens well,

Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets,

You've done your time in Hell"
~Author Unknown~

Do you know how to catch wild pigs?

You catch wild pigs by finding a suitable place in the woods and putting corn on the ground. The pigs find it and begin to come everyday to eat the free corn. When they are used to coming every day, you put a fence down one side of the place where they are used to coming. When they get used to the fence, they begin to eat the corn again and you put up another side of the fence. They get used to that and start to eat again. You continue until you have all four sides of the fence up with a gate in the last side. The pigs, which are used to the free corn, start to come through the gate to eat that free corn again. You then slam the gate on them and catch the whole herd. Suddenly the wild pigs have lost their freedom. They run around and around inside the fence, but they are caught. Soon they go back to eating the free corn. They are so used to it that they have forgot ten how to forage in the woods for themselves, so they accept their captivity.

That is exactly what he sees happening in America. The government keeps pushing us toward Communism/Socialism and keeps spreading the free corn out in the form of programs such as supplemental income, tax credit for unearned income, tax cuts, tax exemptions, tobacco subsidies, dairy subsidies, payments not to plant crops (CRP), welfare, medicine, drugs, etc. while we continually lose our freedoms, just a little at a time.

One should always remember two truths: There is no such thing as a free lunch and you can never hire someone to provide a service for you cheaper than you can do it yourself.
If you see that all of this wonderful government 'help' is a problem confronting the future of democracy in America, you might want to send this on to your friends.  If you think the free ride is essential to your way of life, then you will probably delete this email. But God help you when the gate slams shut!

HOW TO START A FIGHT

          One  year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as
a Christmas gift...

          The next  year, I didn't buy her a gift.

          When she asked  me why, I replied,

          "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

          And that's how the fight started.....

          ____________________________ ____


          My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while
we were in bed.

          I turned to  her and said, 'Do you want to have  Sex?'

          'No,' she answered. I then said,

          'Is that your final answer?'

          She didn't even look  at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

          So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

          And that's when the fight started...

         ________________________________


          I took my wife to a restaurant.

          The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

          "I'll have  the rump steak, rare, please."

          He said,  "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

          "Nah, she can order for herself."

          And that's when the fight  started.....

         _______________________________


          My  wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
reunion, and she kept staring at a  drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

          I asked her, "Do you know  him?"

          "Yes", she sighed,

          "He's my old  boyfriend.  I understand he took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago,  and I hear he
hasn't been sober since."< br>
          "My  God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"

          And then the fight  started...

         ________________________________


          When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I

should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take

care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something

more important to me.

Finally she thought of  a clever way to make her point.

          When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the  tall grass, busily snipping

away with a tiny  pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time

and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I

came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish

cutting the grass, you  might as well sweep the driveway."

          The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always  have a  limp.

         ______________________________


          My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

          She asked, "What's on TV?"

          I said, "Dust."

          And then the fight started...

         ________________________________


          Saturday  morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage.  I hooked up the
boat up to the  van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
downpour. The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the
garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
would  be bad all day.

          I went back into the house,  quietly undressed, and slipped back
into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different
anticipation, and whispered, "The  weather out there is
terrible."

          My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my
stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

          And that's how the fight started...

         _______________________________


          My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary.

          She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in
about 3 seconds."

        I bought her a bathroom scale.

          And then the fight started......

         ______________________________


          After retiring, I went to the Social Security office  to apply
for Social Security.

          The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.

          I looked in my  pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
home.  I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have
to go home and come back later.

          The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

          So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

          She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for
me' and she processed my Social Se curity application.

          When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at
the Social Security office.  She said, 'You should have  dropped
your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'

          And then the fight started...

         ________________________________


          My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom  mirror.

          She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

          "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.  I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'

          I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

          And then the fight started........

         ___________________ _____________